Jaswant single, happy to mingle

It is amazing how the aam aadmi has responded to the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) bombshell — indifferently and with a sense of sardonic amusement. If anything, there has been a show of healthy irreverence, especially after Arun Shourie’s fiery outburst across countless TV channels. A couple of wicked observations at this point — Jaswant Singh hogged more media time than poor Shah Rukh Khan.

Most channels switched scheduled stories and panel discussions from the SRK imbroglio in Newark to the “Jassu Jaisa Koi Nahi” royal scandal heating up across India.

Jassu himself outdid top Bollywood stars who rush from one TV studio to the next before the launch of their latest blockbuster. Mr Singh, at one point, was everywhere… simultaneously… like a Jack-in-the-box. He had his quotes and expressions perfectly worked out and he cleverly made sure not to repeat himself.

Oh… and the voice sounded better than Amitabh Bachchan’s — could that have something to do with the magic potion laced with opium that he offers to his “subjects”?

About Mr Shourie — what can I say? Those of us who remember Mr Shourie as the firebrand editor of the Indian Express, were not surprised by his impeccable timing and the provocative choice of words. Sadly, there is a generation of “Twitter” type people out there who have never heard of Arun Shourie!! Shocking! I was amazed by their ignorance, till I realised their sense of history stops at 2005.

If one mentions the “Emergency”, they immediately associate it with a misplaced SIM card. And here I am not talking about uneducated, ignorant creeps but urban careerists — though, in real terms, they may qualify as urban illiterates.

I received hilarious responses when I wrote about the Jinnah-Jassu controversy on my blog, and quoted Mr Shourie’s Humpty Dumpty remark. Said someone naughtily, “Nothing new — that’s what politics is all about — humping and dumping!” I cracked up reading that comment. And then went on to the next one that stated solemnly, “Shall we observe a two-minute silence for the demise of the BJP?”

Such is the state of public opinion, it no longer matters who is getting thrown out of which party and why. The game of musical chairs carries on… and on… it’s Jaswant today, it should have been L.K. Advani yesterday, and it could be Rajnath Singh tomorrow. Mr Singh won from Darjeeling (where’s the bloody connection?). He is currently being wooed by the Samajwadi Party, and could join the Congress soon. Is anybody outraged? Hell, no. It’s business and politics as usual!

The happiest folks right now are Mr Singh’s publishers — a fairly boring book is selling like hotcakes. The only interesting portion in the uninspiring tome does not exceed beyond a few paragraphs. And even those are turgid. He has said nothing startling or new that hasn’t been said before (and better!) by others.

By expelling him like one expels a naughty school boy for not doing his homework on time, the BJP has devalued whatever little equity was left, post-elections and the resounding defeat at the polls.

By banning the book in Gujarat, Narendra Modi has further pumped up the sales. As we all know, the dry state of Gujarat is possibly the “wettest” state in India — by banning alcohol, Mr Modi has created countless closet-drunks who can’t get enough of the forbidden booze! Go to any of the fancy homes in Ahmedabad and the host is bound to sidle whispering, “Drink? Don’t worry… my bar is full”. So it is with the book. More copies got sold because of the ban and now it has become fashionable to flash it at visitors without reading the damn thing.

What next? Well… with so many rats abandoning the sinking ship, it is getting increasingly difficult to figure out who’s in and who’s not. Age issues have raised new problems. New blood, say some. While the oldie goldies refuse to budge from the gaddi. Is it at all possible to clone Rahul Gandhi? War has been declared, but against whom? If the “bad guy” is Mr Advani, hey, come on, he’s the same guy who went to Pakistan and praised everybody not so long ago. The world didn’t collapse then! It is also being speculated that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh may be up for Pakistan’s highest civilian award soon. So? Will the sky fall down if he accepts it? Mr Jaswant Singh’s book is being lapped up across the border, and his promotional tour there will undoubtedly be a huge success.

The only person who could upstage him at this point is Sallu Bhai and his IPL dhamaka.

Imagine, Mr Jaswant Singh even managed to outshine the Imran Khan-Benazir Bhutto love chakkar which would otherwise have kept the chattering classes fully occupied on both sides of the border. But then again, one has to remember the attention span of the chattering classes these days.

For most, Imran and Benazir are two have-beens with no relevance to their lives. Tell them that Shahid Kapoor is about to marry Piggy Chops and there will be instant excitement. It boils down to the same blight that is destroying the BJP — youth issues.

There are things in life that politicians believe can be easily fixed (“ throw out the fellow and all will be well again”), and some that simply can’t — youth icons are impossible to “manufacture” overnight, especially in a party where the average age is over 70.

Today’s voter regards veterans as Ancient Mariners — dodderingly old creatures who should be preserved as fossils in a museum, if that. Cruel, but true. In such a scenario, nobody cares whether the BJP commits hara-kiri, self-destructs or disappears without a trace. Even the Jaswant saga is a two-day carnival — and largely because the media has played up the story and carried every sigh and groan.

I’m pretty sure Mr Singh is loving his current stardom — who wouldn’t? Here is a guy who’d been written off and his position diminished by party bosses who did not like his attitude (and angrezi accent?). He may have stuck it out for 30 years with the same parivar, but it was never the best or most compatible of relationships.

Now that the divorce is official, it remains to be seen which new bed partner Mr Singh takes up. As of now, he is playing the “single and ready to mingle” game.

It’s a good move and signals his availability. He claims he enjoys his independent status, and why not believe him?

There’s nothing quite as liberating as getting out of a bad marriage. Mr Singh has done just that. But bachke rehna, Sirji… idea achcha hai... but watch out for the kaminey in our midst.